he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
