You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
