I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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