im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
