You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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