Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
