I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
