Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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