I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
