Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
