Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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