If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
