I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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