Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
