I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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