I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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