dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
