he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its not stalking. its research.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
