You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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