i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
