Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
