She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize