Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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