I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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