where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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