what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize