I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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