I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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