I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
