i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
