I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
