My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
