I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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