Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sext me about skeletons
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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