first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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