i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
