The best revenge is premature balding
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
