I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
