I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
