U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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