i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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