Life is so much better after having sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
