And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
