i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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