We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
