She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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