i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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