He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
