Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
