just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
