that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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