if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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