Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
