If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Mom said you looked used
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
