I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
