Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
