so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
