well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
