Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
