so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
