if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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