john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
