i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
