They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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