we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
