Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
