I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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