"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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