Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
