Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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