are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
