Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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