You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
