Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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