who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
