I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
