I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
