so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Shame - the story of my life.
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