9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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