the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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