Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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